Lunch Blyte #3

OK ... prepare to sit a bit for this blyte. I was listening to the radio and heard a song from the eighties (my era) and it hit me how funny the lyrics were. The more I listened and thought about how this guy would be perceived in today's world, the more I laughed. See if you agree in this play-by-play reaction. And if you have an 80s song you'd like analyzed, post it in a comment and I'll give it some consideration.

Raspberry Beret
Prince & The Revolution, 1985

1 2, 1 2 3, huh
Yeah
Good show, man ... counting is a prime skill for the job market. Yeah.

I was workin' part-time in a 5-and-dime
Only being able to count to three may limit your career choices to small outlets and less than full-time status. Note the fact that you even had to start over counting at least once. Practice makes perfect.

My boss was Mr. McGee
Cousin to Mr. Magoo, a fine fellow ... can you see it?

He told me several times that he didn't like my kind
Cuz I was a bit 2 leisurely
Methinks it had someting to do with your spelling skills and gratuitous use of the number 2 incorrectly. As far as being leisurely goes ... this wasn't a cruise ship. It's a 5-and-dime. Sweep, man!

It seems that I was busy doin' somethin' close 2 nothin'
But different than the day before
While it appears you are making an effort to diversify your daily work schedule, a skoosh above "nothin'" is not a career builder.

That's when I saw her, ooh, I saw her
She walked in through the out door, out door.
OK ... Her entrance style should have been clue numero uno that this was not going to bode well for you, dude. Dyslexic or illiterate ... neither one will be a benefit in the long run.

CHORUS: She wore a raspberry beret
While the descriptive adjective sounds appealing and even tasty, colored berets should be reserved for the French or for military deployments.

The kind U'd find in a second hand store
Don't let your guard down. While she may appear to be Salvation Army today, it's Neiman Marcus tomorrow. What kind of contraction is U'd, dude? I have to award points for simplification ... you may have been a 15-year pre-cursor to texting.

Raspberry beret
And if it was warm, she wouldn't wear much more
Again ... she's playing the poor card on you man. Beneath that raggedy Daisy Duke exterior, the gold digger will run over your toes as she's heading to Phipps once she gets your 5-and-dime paycheck. Or perhaps that will be Wal-Mart. Either way ... she's going to rob you blind.

Raspberry beret
I think I love her
May I suggest the word "think" is your Achilles heel ... you better KNOW you love her before tripping over to The Shane Company.

Built like she was, huh, she had the nerve 2 ask me
If I planned 2 do her any harm, hmph
Hmph indeed. Let's make a self assessment here. Look at you. Dr. Ruth could take you out in one blow. So could your nameless beret girl. And my five-year-old.

So looka here, I put her on the back of my bike and ah...We went ridin'
down by Old Man Johnson's farm
Huffy or Schwinn ... we're not sure here. But it makes for a funny picture.

I said now overcast days never turned me on
But somethin' 'bout the clouds and her mixed
Somethin' ... 'bout ... Is it possible for you to begin to use full English words in the near term? You don't sound 2 bright.

She wasn't 2 bright,
Ah ... perhaps you are a match made in heaven. Course, we figured out her brightness level when she entered the store through the exit, remember?

but I could tell when she kissed me
She knew how 2 get her kicks
The only kick here should be 2 the curb ... either one of you.

CHORUS
The rain sounds so cool when it hits the barn roof
And the horses wonder who U are
The horses are also wondering who's going to get stuck having to eat that bale of hay you're doing the deed on.

The thunder drowns out what the lightning sees, huh
Huh. The lightning would prefer to be blind.

And U feel like a movie star
Not likely in your future from the looks of the side you're showing in the barn. Whatever you do, never do a bathtub scene in an opening of any of your music videos. Whoops ... too late. When Doves Cry was in 1984. Not a good look. Flash forward ... Purple Rain did not a movie star make.

Listen, they say the first time ain't the greatest
Ah, the infamous "they." Just note ... some would debate this point with you.

But I tell ya, if I had the chance 2 do it all again
I wouldn't change a stroke cuz baby I'm the most
With a girl as fine as she was then
Questionable at best. Old Man Johnson called her a "cow" as he was running you out of his barn. Mistaken identity? Perhaps not.

Lord, ras...
OK ... first it's choppy words, now you're not even completing sentences. You may have to give up your name and become a symbol if you can't grasp the English language.

(CHORUS)
The kind U find, the kind U find, oh no no! Uh huh, uh huh
And who wrote this song for you anyway? Was it during a writer's strike? Repetition equals "running out of things to say." Get your money back.

Where have all the raspberry women gone?
Where have they gone? Into hiding ... in a commune of raspberry women ... out of embarassment for those silly berets.

Yeah I think I, I think I, I think I love her!
I think, I think, I think ... thinking doesn't appear to be your strong suit.

(CHORUS)
No, no, no No, no, no, I love... Tell me where have all the raspberry women gone? {fade out}
We covered this already. Sounds like you could use some listening skill training as well.

I think I love...
Oy vey.