But today, I had a Perfect Storm. And I think it's worthwhile to take the time to write it down and share.
Over two weeks ago, we took Leah to college. She's three hours away, so it's not an insurmountable trip, but it's also not a trip we'll make frequently.
This is the longest I've been separated from her from the day she was born.
When we dropped her off, I was calm. Surprisingly calm. I had a peace about her immediate future. About her school selection. And about the trajectory she was on. So there were really no tears. Not that it couldn't have happened, but perhaps I subconsciously wanted to be a little stronger to keep it light.
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| Dropping Leah off for a two-week mission trip to England in July. Good practice for college! |
So the story comes to the present ... a Saturday with no extraordinary plans. After sleeping in a little later than usual, I got up and headed out to the yard to engage in the usual "mow, edge and blow" before it got too hot. Before I started, I went to Leah's room and confiscated her iPod Nano she left behind so I could listen to some music.
The soundtrack to the Chronicles of Narnia: Price Caspian was the selection, and it transformed a day of yardwork into an epic battle between good and evil. My trusty steed of a mower taking down the grass and leaves, and a constant battle to keep them from blowing back on the yard. All the while, the sun beating down with an increasing temper to drive me back indoors. But the job was finished, and I started winding up extension cords and putting away the battle implements.
And that's when the Perfect Storm hit. Out of nowhere.
Leah often mowed the yard, so I was doing a job she had done in the past. I looked over to the spot in the grass where I remember helping her try to get the mower started. And now I realized I was standing in her parking spot in the driveway. An empty, unmarked reserved place for her that remains empty until her return. A brief moment of reflection, only to be followed immediately by a powerful blow.
The song filling the headphones was one of her favorites that she would sing often ... The Call by Regina Spektor. And at the exact moment I looked over my shoulder to the back yard and saw our backyard swing hanging silent and still from a large tree branch, the words filled my head to the point where I felt like I just stopped breathing.
"Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes.
You'll come back ... when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back ... when they call you
No need to say goodbye."
And at that very moment, it was as if God was putting His hands on my shoulders and saying, "It's OK if you miss her."
A slow and unexpected swell of emotion hit like a tidal wave driven by gale-force winds. Waterworks ensued, and I struggled to finish putting up the tools, my eyes stinging from the combination of tears and sweat. What an overwhelming sensation to have those elements come into perfect synchronization to remind me of the blessing she is to our family, and exactly how much I love her.
And miss her.
And yet, I'm still extremely excited for the path she is on. And each opportunity to visit with her is a reunion of love and laughter. And I can't wait for the next one in September.
So keep your eye out for your Perfect Storm. Sometimes we need them to remember the importance of relying on the One who gives us the faith and strength to endure.
